I'm going to share a little secret I tell all my childbirth education classes. There is no one right way to birth- except for the one that is right for you on the day this baby arrives.
It's easy to get caught up in media images of birth. The water birth in Mexico. The peaceful calm of hypnobirthing. That Instagram feed that seems to have no end of inspiring birth stories. Especially if you are researching for your own options for labor and birth it's easy to start hoping for a particular type of birth without considering if this is a birth that YOU would be comfortable in.

Don't get me wrong! I think seeing inspiring stories and images of birth is well worth the time! We often have too many negative pictures in our heads from Hollywood and well-meaning friends, so we need to counteract these. But this doesn't mean that we should get attached to specific circumstances within our labors. If you are hung up on needing to seem peaceful and calm, then you may miss the raw power inherent in a birth roar or the tenderness of a kiss in-between contractions. Planning and setting up the best circumstances for labor, doesn't mean we then lock into one picture for that birth.

So should we stop preparing and visualizing our ideal births, not necessarily. These images can give clarity on what we need, but we have to go deeper to look into what type of support would allow us to work with whatever circumstances might arise- not just the ones when things are "perfect."

I mentioned in my blog post on working with your labor that really anything can be workable, as long as we keep working with it, so here is what I often recommend to students when they are crafting their birth preferences:

Start with a draft form and don't censor yourself. put it all down, everything you would like to have happen for your birth- even if you don't think you can really ask for it.
Then go back and look at the picture you've described, and think about what you need to communicate about the type of support you need (not the interventions you want or don't want- but what helps you feel safe and seen)
Rewrite your preferences with the lens of explaining what you need for support
Take it to your care provider and have a conversation about what support means to you (note this may require a separate appointment if your provider is short on time.
In the moment of labor, let go of the image, and work with your own present circumstances.

Will this prevent disappointment in your birth, not always. There may be things we truly want which go a different way, but if we can focus on what helps us feel safe and seen, then we can relax more into hat did happen, and work with them, so that in the end we can say I did everything I could, and baby and I had the perfect birth for US.